phantom waters RPG - Prologue
#1
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A team of online investigative reporters receive an anonymous email about an American town’s disappearance. They traced the coordinates, packed their paranormal gear, and set out to find the town. This was their discovery...

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*Shane chills in a haunted prison cell*
I hate that he is having such a good time in there.
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#2
Prologue is up

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#3
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The writing is smooth as butter. It flows naturally and energetically. I love the setup for the characters and the introduction to their story we are about to embark upon. They all feel unique and powerful in their own ways. Natalie is exactly what I wanted. I hear Awkwafina's hoarse voice in every line with a familiar smile and laugh. She's perfect. Exactly as she should be written- kinda wild how accurately you did it. Stefano is a pure plum and I love him- everyone thinking he was a creeper though... sad. But at least he's gonna bounce back. Bella's SUPER DRAMATIC entrance was everything I could've hoped for. She gets the SPARK of curiosity and creativity flowing through her veins. I respect that. I also loved Benji, Travis, Cullen, and Lacey. All for various reasons. Travis and Cullen have great banter, style, and feel like Repo's characters. consequently Tye's feel distinctly like his characters (i ASSUME in Lacey's case). I like that the energy in the group dynamic feels so natural and full, like a warm mug of hot coco. They feel like friends. They are friends. Their decision to embark on this journey together makes sense. I don't know why but the way this read was really effortless. It flew off the page and into my imagination and it feels so real. This is really good.
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#4
(05-04-2020, 02:31 AM)TheCheetahwings Wrote:
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The writing is smooth as butter. It flows naturally and energetically. I love the setup for the characters and the introduction to their story we are about to embark upon. They all feel unique and powerful in their own ways. Natalie is exactly what I wanted. I hear Awkwafina's hoarse voice in every line with a familiar smile and laugh. She's perfect. Exactly as she should be written- kinda wild how accurately you did it. Stefano is a pure plum and I love him- everyone thinking he was a creeper though... sad. But at least he's gonna bounce back. Bella's SUPER DRAMATIC entrance was everything I could've hoped for. She gets the SPARK of curiosity and creativity flowing through her veins. I respect that. I also loved Benji, Travis, Cullen, and Lacey. All for various reasons. Travis and Cullen have great banter, style, and feel like Repo's characters. consequently Tye's feel distinctly like his characters (i ASSUME in Lacey's case). I like that the energy in the group dynamic feels so natural and full, like a warm mug of hot coco. They feel like friends. They are friends. Their decision to embark on this journey together makes sense. I don't know why but the way this read was really effortless. It flew off the page and into my imagination and it feels so real. This is really good.

OMG THIS REVIEW WAS SO SWEET

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I wanted to focus on them rekindling friendships and it all casually slid after I introduced each of them and got a taste of what they were like. I will definitely explore more deeper themes in future episodes and how so many exciting things to show y'all about these characters. (hopefully tye is ok with lacey i could always edit tho).
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#5
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A REPO REVIEW

Natalie Lum - She's....interesting. She likes to hog the airspace. Give it to Travis and Cullen, the true stars of phantom waters.

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What is this nonsense? Who is this "Lacey" and why is she and Benji getting attention before TRAVIS?

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Oh! The main characters finally appeared. I was getting bored.

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Stefano is....intense. Remind me why he's on screen instead of Travis and Cullen? and with that Nat girl again...

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Travis taking pity on Nat & Stefano... okay.

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OVERALL
This was a solid enough chapter. Introduced the extras well but needed far more of Travis & Cullen. Look forward to the future chapters where they will survive over the basics! 7-8/10

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#6
Thanks repo<3 glad it was 'solid'
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#7
Well, I don't think I can quite top that review which Ken wrote for me, but let's give this a go:

Admittedly, we're literally just done with the prologue, but I did like it. Did a solid job of putting the actual ghosthunter plot in motion as well as introducing the characters. With the exception of Bella (who's introduced last and has one fairly short scene), I think we got a good feel for everyone. I definitely love how you're handling Cullen/Travis, which is pretty much perfect. Even the little bits of snark feel dead-on (IE: Prince Bitchin'). The other duos are holding their own too, and play off each other well. Flows pretty naturally too.

All in all, excited to see where the storyline goes and definitely a solid start.
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Hmph, not strong enough yet. Well, I will be soon. Until then...I'll let Jason have some fun!
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#8
I honestly had no clue what to do with Bella, sorry Ken rip So I'm gonna have to tackle that next episode. It's why she gets such a dramatic intro and to help set up Cullen's powers as well. I'm glad you thought it was solid!
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#9
Unfortunately I have to wait to read this, due to my Keep&Share account casually getting closed for no reason. Lacey's almost done, but I wanted to see what you wrote first with her so I wouldn't contradict anything  skull
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Here`s to four straight years
of pre-gaming with the dead...

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#10
(05-06-2020, 05:15 PM)TyeSays Wrote: Unfortunately I have to wait to read this, due to my Keep&Share account casually getting closed for no reason. Lacey's almost done, but I wanted to see what you wrote first with her so I wouldn't contradict anything  skull

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*Shane chills in a haunted prison cell*
I hate that he is having such a good time in there.
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